a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize