I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
