I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
