There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
