I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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