I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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