ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
someone owes me an orgasm
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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