i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
