You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
