once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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