party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
