So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
