Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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