yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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