I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
