Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
