from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
