Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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