no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
