i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
