i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
