the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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