My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
