omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my phone needs a breathalizer
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
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It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
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