it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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