Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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