I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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