i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
