Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
