I'm jealous of your bromance
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
