How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
