I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i think i just lost a toe
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
