is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
