YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
