oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
