I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
