Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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