I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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