dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
