Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They took my balls.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
