Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
