I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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