Your face is a jimmy john
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
