Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
