Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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