just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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