I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
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You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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