I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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