i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
