I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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