Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
