just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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