Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
