Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
