I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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