Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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