Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
