If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
