Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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