Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
