Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
