Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
oh god the rape fog is back!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
what day is it and did you see me today?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
