I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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