just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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