peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
