Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
