You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
