Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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