tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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