she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
