I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
