This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
