Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
