Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
