Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
