i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
