True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
